We have looked at, and discussed how to build Rapport, and how to literally step into a colleague’s model of the world, in order to be able to fully appreciate their point of view. These skills will help you create a good impression with both colleagues and management, and used regularly will help you maintain that good impression. It’s worth saying again
Rapport is not something you do and then move on – it is a constant
What else can you do, and not do, to maintain and build successful relationships?
Dale Carnegie’s pioneering book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, first published in 1936 has a place in publishing history as one of the all-time international best sellers. Each generation has discovered it anew and the book continues to sell in the twenty first century.
The principles which the book offers are as relevant today as they were revolutionary seventy five years ago. Indeed, much of what is written today about workplace relationships has its origins in Dale Carnegie’s work. For the purposes of this discussion we have returned to the source.
Fundamental Principles in Handling People (from Dale Carnegie)
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wound’s a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.”
Carnegie advises that instead of criticizing we should try to understand others:
“Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.”
The skills you have learned in this workshop, building Rapport, and the skill of stepping into 2nd Position will enable you to gain a better understanding of your colleagues.
Give honest and sincere appreciation
“There is only one way under heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.”
Carnegie advocates that being appreciative is the best way to influence others; to get them to want to do something. He refers to Charles Schwab, one of the first people in American business to be paid a salary over one million dollars, who said
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.”
It makes sense then to be aware; watch your colleagues, and listen to them so that you notice what Carnegie calls their ‘good points’ and then acknowledge them.
Arouse in the other person an eager want
“If out of reading this book you get just one thing – an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their perspective – if you get this one thing out of this book – and we can add here from this Workshop – it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.”
When we remember to always think in terms of our colleagues point of view we will be able to figure out what they want and when we can do this, when we can talk to our colleagues about what they want and show them how to get it, we will be able to influence them.
“Of course you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you; we are interested in what we want.”
And so when you want one of your colleagues to do something ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?”